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Title: 20 Random Facts about the Hero Headmaster's Portrait's Life at Hogwarts
Author: [info]iulia_linnea
Character: Portrait!Snape, others
Rating: PG
Word Count: 606
Disclaimer: This work of fan fiction is based on characters and situations created by J. K. Rowling and owned by J. K. Rowling and various publishers, including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made from (and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended by) the posting of this fan work.
Author's Note: Written for Round Seven of the Harry Potter Random Facts Fest. This is a companion piece to 20 Random Facts about Diosma "Di" Anne Parkinson.

  1. Severus objects to being referred to as the "Hero Headmaster"—publicly.

  2. He expected life as a portrait to be dull, but the artist who painted him saw fit to add so much detail to his laboratory—including stocking it with everything he might want for brewing and including, although he knows not how, his complete library—that he is more than merely satisfied with his lot in canvas.

  3. It doesn't hurt that the "anonymous" individual who commissioned his portrait saw fit to have copies made and placed all over the school. There are also copies hanging in the Potioneers' Guild in London, under the safety of a warded overhang in the Slytherin stands by the Quidditch pitch, in the Atrium of the Ministry with the other Order of Merlin recipients, and in his mam's lounge.

  4. It both alarms and pleases Severus to consider the expense of Potter's generosity with regard to his portrait and its copies, so he's never thanked him for it.

  5. The detail for which he is most grateful in his portrait is the animated miniature of Lily Evans, age fifteen. She believes him to be a hero, too, and he has never disabused her of this notion.

  6. He enjoys arguing with the other professors in the staff room. One could hardly call his behaviour "Portraitly Interference" when the others seek his opinion of their own free will.

  7. Each year since his Hanging, he's had a standing wager with the Headmistress with regard to which new students will Sort where. He wins more than he loses, which means that at Minerva's expense, a detail of his choosing is added to his portrait.

  8. After several incidents that put Severus too much in mind of Longbottom—now a professor, and who would ever have believed that?—Argus Filch agreed to keep the house-elves from dusting Severus' portrait when he was brewing.

  9. In his gratitude for this consideration, Severus revealed to Filch that there was a way to Banish Peeves and arranged for a Slytherin Sixth Year to perform the spell.

  10. Di Parkinson elected to Banish the poltergeist to Professor Trelawney's tower—entirely without prompting of any sort from Severus.

  11. Now that he's dead and freed from marking, Severus enjoys tutoring the more advanced Slytherins in Potions.

  12. Deputy Headmistress Granger has declared this activity, in writing, Portraitly Interference. Severus doesn't care.

  13. It's almost like Portkeying, travelling from one of his Hogwarts' portraits to one of those hanging outside the school.

  14. The new Muggle Studies professor reminds Severus of Charity Burbage; he avoids her.

  15. On Fridays, Severus travels to his mam's lounge to watch her neighbours lose to her at Gobstones and compliment her cooking, the lying old crones.

  16. His one remark about his memory of his mam's cooking led to the threat of turpentine.

  17. Severus holds the distinction of being the only portrait in history to have been published in Potions Monthly. Hermione was good enough to take dictation of his article.

  18. He is also the only portrait to have presided over a bonding ceremony for former students. In Severus' case, he officiated at the nuptials of Diosma "Di" Anne Parkinson and Lily "Lils" Luna Potter. He didn't find the peach theme particularly subtle, but then, it was no business of his.

  19. Severus earned a fine porcelain tea set after Lorcan and Lysander Lovegood Sorted Slytherin. Severus didn't, however, partake of his customary gloating because he knew that Minerva was secretly pleased.

  20. He's never admitted it to Potter, but after the fiftieth or so visit the brat made to him, Severus decided that he'd been well worth the saving—if only for his parentage of Lily Luna, who did her house proud.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 15th, 2011 10:13 pm (UTC)
Hee, and I hope he had a better Portrait life than life.
Sep. 15th, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
Me, too. :D
Sep. 15th, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
This is rather sad: The detail for which he is most grateful in his portrait is the animated miniature of Lily Evans, age fifteen. She believes him to be a hero, too, and he has never disabused her of this notion. He can't handle reminders of Charity, either. Ways to go yet, Severus.

However, it seems he's much more content than he used to be, on easy terms with Hogwarts staff, and happily assisting the better Slytherin Potions students. That's good!

Hermione appears to have an equable relationship with Severus, if she writes his articles for him, despite slamming him for Portraitly Interference. One can't let Severus walk all over one.

I do hope someone writes this series up – when it's complete. You, would be good.
Sep. 16th, 2011 12:53 am (UTC)
Well, he'll have an entire canvastime to work those things out. :)

Adjusting well, he is!

Hermione certainly wouldn't allow it, not as a professor. :D


Thank you, Leni; I'm really glad you're enjoying these!
Sep. 16th, 2011 12:10 am (UTC)
OMG, Iuls, I absolutely adored this ♥ ♥ ♥

I loved numbers 14 and 15 <3

Edited at 2011-09-16 12:11 am (UTC)
Sep. 16th, 2011 12:54 am (UTC)
Yay! *dances the dance of gratitude*

Sep. 16th, 2011 02:02 am (UTC)
No.'s 5 and 14 make me sad for Severus.

I'm enjoying these very much. Thank you.
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:19 pm (UTC)
I'm glad; thanks for letting me know. :D *hugs Severus*
Sep. 16th, 2011 02:22 am (UTC)
The whole portrait existence kind of horrifies me at times, but you've managed to alleviate my fears. This actually sounds like an existence worth having! I love how Portrait!Severus gets all the interaction and appreciation his real life alter apparently didn't. :D
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:21 pm (UTC)
Portraitly existence should be worth having; I'm glad you think Severus' is. :D
Sep. 16th, 2011 02:36 am (UTC)
Sweet, and heartwarming, after I saw the movie at last last weekend. The death scene killed me. I really liked your scene here about no dusting while brewing. :)
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *dances; ignores "death"*
Sep. 16th, 2011 03:35 am (UTC)
I'm so glad Severus is enjoying the afterlife, and still irritating after all these years.
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:26 pm (UTC)
Yay! :D
Sep. 16th, 2011 06:35 am (UTC)
I join the group of those that hope that you'll continue this series, especially with more about the Deputy ;)
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:28 pm (UTC)
*is tempted*

Thank you!
Sep. 16th, 2011 08:17 am (UTC)
Oooooh. I love this! I love the bet, and the tea set, and the wedding. I still need to hear more about these peaches, but I love it all. Fabulous work, babe. :)
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Keys! *smooches*

(I'm curious to know what people think the peaches mean.)
Sep. 19th, 2011 08:08 am (UTC)
Welcome! *love*

I'm curious to know what they were meant to mean! *grin*

For me, there's the kind of obvious soft and sweet and feel nice aspect of them. I'm fairly tactile and while I don't like the taste of peaches I like buying a couple for other people a couple of times a year in the just because I like touching them. I don't imagine that's quite where the girls are, but perhaps that's a small part of it. As for the rest, though? No idea. I'm atrocious at working out what other people consider to be really, really obvious hints, and people around me are often amused when I come out to announce that the most obvious thing just happened and I totally didn't expect it.

(Sorry for the late reply; my inbox got out of control.)
Sep. 16th, 2011 10:39 am (UTC)
I expected this to be about Albus and was happily surprised to see Severus featured. Your Severus is always so delightfully complex and ... complex. Really I'd like to say he's obnoxious and an arse - which he is in action on occasion - but I like him so very much, and his actions are understandable to me, that I find it hard to say.

I also like how you're weaving your Random Facts entries together. I read this before Di's and I wonder if that was a mistake on my part. I shall find out! *g*
Sep. 16th, 2011 01:32 pm (UTC)
I'm glad to have pleasantly surprised you, and thank you for the compliment. :D

I'm having a lot of fun with the companion entries!
Sep. 17th, 2011 07:33 am (UTC)
Does this mean your writer's block is gone? *hopeful*
Sep. 17th, 2011 01:10 pm (UTC)
Shh! Don't jinx it! *huggles*
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )