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Happy birthday, shiv5468! *presents dialogue ditty*

Shiv prompted me with Severus is turning 50 and sulking.

Naked Cake (R; Severus/Lucius/Hermione; 275 words)

"It's not gray, it's silver."

"There's nothing wrong with my eyesight. It's plainly gray."

"You know, you may be right—and I think you're getting a bit paunchy, as well."

"You bas—"

"Would you two come in here, already?"

"No. Apparently, I'm too paunchy to move."

"You weren't too fat to move earlier. What's happened?"

"He's gone gray in the meantime. It's a great tragedy."

"Fuck you."

"Yes, that was the idea. I'm covered—I have cake."

"I'm too paunchy for cake."

"Even for naked cake?"

"Naked cake?"

"Oh no, darling. He's definitely too fat for naked cake. I, on the other ha—oof! That was hardly necessary, but surprisingly vigorous for a graying man of such a paunch."

"Damn it! This is starting to itch! If you don't come in here, I'm going to call Ron. He'll eat anything!"

"Did you hear that? You've made her angry. Why would you do that, even if it is your birthday? She doesn't like make-up sex."

"Ow! Get off, you bastard."

"That was the idea—and all in honour of your natal day, you fat, grumpy, graying twit!"

"Oh, hello, Ronald! Why, yes, I would like a tongue in my—"

"Hermione, be patient. He's in one of his moods."

"Don't you dare call that ginger-haired prat! It's my birthday! And I don't have moods."

"Oh, that's . . . oh, yes, just like that."

"Did she . . . did she start without us?"


"What the hell?"

"Oh! Oh, Merlin!"

"I've spelled away your gray, you vain, maudlin, ungrateful sod. Now get in there!"

"Fuck, oh . . . ."


"What now?"

"Thank you."

"If . . . I . . . if I have to—oh!—'thank' myself, you're both—fuck—dead men!"

[Cue rush to door.]


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 6th, 2010 04:12 am (UTC)
I tee-hee'd through out the whole thing. So in character but could total see the conversation happening.
Apr. 6th, 2010 12:15 pm (UTC)
Yay! *twirls you* Thanks!
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 6th, 2010 12:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Apr. 6th, 2010 07:50 am (UTC)
Hee! That sounds about right. I bet Shiv will love it.
Apr. 6th, 2010 12:14 pm (UTC)
*glee* Thanks!
Apr. 6th, 2010 09:22 am (UTC)
Some people will do anything for a nibble!

Thank you dear
Apr. 6th, 2010 12:13 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. :)
Apr. 6th, 2010 12:45 pm (UTC)
A very good understanding of each other's weaknesses. A very nice appreciation of Hermione.
Apr. 6th, 2010 01:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you, kindly!
Apr. 6th, 2010 02:16 pm (UTC)
Ha ha, that was adorable, Iuls ♥
Apr. 6th, 2010 03:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
Apr. 7th, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)

I just read through this again, snickering the whole way. Well done.
Apr. 7th, 2010 12:49 am (UTC)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )