Iulia Linnea (iulia_linnea) wrote,
Iulia Linnea

SPOILERS: Spoilers for Cursed Child under the cut, VI

And here's my and Shog's response read for Act Three of Cursed Child.

"What the Fuuuuuck?" —Shog's reaction to learning that the play is in two parts. He somehow missed the fact that there were two plays. :P

Oh, shit. Poor Scorpius. "For Voldemort and valor"?!

Polly Chapman asking Scorpius to ask her led Shog to ask, "But isn't Scorpius gay? Or wait, that was Albus. Albus is gay. Scorpius wants Rose, so he's bi, right?"

"Oh, Potter" is a swear. That's great. Poor Scorpius.

"The smell of power"? WtF? Asks Shog, "What's that? Jizz?" Ew.

So here's Draco chanelling Snape (and bad!dad!Harry) and Lucius! Poor Scorpius.

The moment between Draco and Scorpius is interesting. Without Astoria, bad things happen. Mommies are very badly needed in this universe.

Shog: "Did Craig say Snape?! Did he?!" *glee*

Act Three, Scene Five: I lose it and squee at Snape's name. SNAPE's name! *dances*

No, sir. No one taught him to knock! OMG, it's SNAPE! I knew he was coming, but to actually see his name! *twirls*

Shog: "He probably dies heroically again, you know."

Ahem. *reads on*

Shog: "Nooooo! Poor Neville. To be thought insignificant when he was the Chosen one—my head canon—not the 'Git Who Lived'." (Yes, that's right: Shog's got a hard on for Neville. *snerk*)

I'd like to take a moment to remind everyone who's been following me for a while that Shog is 60 percent certain that, if I became a boy, he'd suck my cock. 60 percent. I think that's a much higher percentage than most wives would get. >:)

I: "So, Shog, if it were Neville? What would be the percentage then?"

Shog: "Zero. He's not you. . . . It's your cock I would suck—not just anyone's, yours."

I: "There you have it. One hundred percent confirmation that you'd suck my cock!"

Shog: "Wait a minute! I said a sixty-percent chance! Sixty! Percent! It's not modifiable. It's not transferable. It's not—"

I: *reads on*

So, the desperate card Scorpius is supposed to play, according to Shog, as I sing out "Lilyyyyyyy," is a cock-sucking gesture. Like I said, he'd suck it. He'd suck my cock. And to Shog, I said, "Canonically, Snape's. Not. Gay."

Yep, I said it. But getting back to fanfiction . . . . *reads on*

So, where Scorpius is telling Snape about Albus Severus Potter, I think, "SNAPE: What an asshole," meaning, of course, Harry for giving his kid such a name. Shog laughs. Of course, fanfic!play!Snape is moved. And then, the portal to the secret room and . . . Hermione? (At this moment, I don't know. This is not something about which I've spoiled myself. But who else could he be hiding? Does that make Snermione quasi-canon? Oh. Oh, shit. Is Ron there, too? Shog's like, "Threeway? And would you read?!" (Shog also suggested that Snape is taking Scorpius to his sex dungeon, but that's because Shog wants to see cocksucking. Shog says no, he'd "manfully deal with cocksucking" if it occurred, but he does not want to see that shit. *snorts*)

CAMPAIGN ROOM. Shog: "It's got 'pain' in the name; it's a sex dungeon." I read the stage direction about Hermione pinning Scorpius as he's drinking, and he actually spit takes. Bwhahahaha!

And we have Snermione banter! Banter! With a warrior! Hermione. Shog: "The sex must be wild. Bet she's poppin' out the rebellion babies." I see Ron's name and wonder how she explains said rebellion babies' noses.

Shog: "Inept!Ron!"

I: "I hate that."

Seriously, WtF? Why is Ron incompetent here?

Shog: "Well, let's see: his best friend was murdered, Hermione is shagging Snape, his family's almost certainly been put to death . . . but it's mostly the Hermione thing."

I: *snorts*

Shog and I both lost it at Snape's "Less wanted" with regard to Ron.

OMG, the laughter at the ridiculous fanficcy moment that is the "what do you do in the other world?" scene. I love that Snape finds it "irritating" to be dead there. Asshole. Damn it. *sad*

Shog: "Wif! [Not a typo; he calls me that.] How the hell are they getting away with saying Voldemort's name?"

I: "That's a good Goddamn question, husband."

Shog and I both want to know how they can be in the wrong place. Didn't Scorpius just tell us you Time-Turn in the same place? What?

Shog: "Do I have to jerk you off?"

I: "You know, I think that's already fic, but with Snape sucking off Harry to avoid the Dementors."

Shog: *snorts*

Yep, even Snape knows that AS/S is a thing. "Think of Albus," indeed.

"Thank you for being my light in the darkness?" Really, Scorpius? *gags*

Snape dies. Again. (But only in quasi-canon fanfiction.) And I sob. And Shog makes fake-y sounds of concern. *glares at him; accepts comfort from Merva*

Adorable, relieved Scorpius is adorably relieved! *dances*

Shog: "Well, I was waiting to say this until I was sure—Cedric Diggory is very, very dead."

I: "Oh, Shog."

Shog: "Now we just have to find out what the fuck is up with that chick I don't trust . . . whispering in the old man's ear, 'You can get your son back'. I don't like her."

I: "Yes, I know." :P

I: "Hey, Lucius' graaaaandsonnnnn! I think you've got some 'splainin' to dooooo!" Thank goodness Professor McGonegall's herself again.

Shog loses it at Harry for saying he never went looking for adventure, that it was forced on him. I don't know that I completely agree with him, but he's on a roll, so . . . .

Good for you, YOUNG HARRY. Drop those logic bombs on Petunia.

ACT THREE, SCENE THIRTEEN: Harry thinks everyone's in danger; Shog thinks that Ginny shagged Voldemort—not really, but he did keep saying it during that scene with regard to the guilt. *rolls eyes*

"Ominously"? is that how Scorpius leans over Albus' headboard? *snorts; sporfles at "Malfoy the Unanxious"* (I can already read the fanfic in my head in which Scorpius wakes Albus in a more pleasant manner.)

Um, wait. Did we actually see Cedric in the other timeline? I don't remember that. Why does Scorpius?

Oh, and you know, I can't blame Rose for kicking Albus in the shin when he attempted to embrace her without permission. Robes don't equal consent, young man.

"Entitled, angry, mean"—you didn't meet another you, Scorp, you met your dad. *coughs*

Oh, btw, I never have written much H/D because to me, it's canon, and when all the AS/S fic started being written, I figured it would just be more of the same, just with Albus and Scorpius standing in for their dads. That said, now that Cursed Child has been written, I might give its fanfic a chance in the hope of seeing something new. Something just for them. But I wonder how much of it will be "drawing parallels" fic?

I knew it! I knew that Scorpius kept the damn Time-Turner. There's his inherited arrogance, the Malfoy-knows-bestness. *rolls eyes; sporfles at his practiced line* He's being an idiot, but he's still adorkable.

Oh, Minerva. Calling poor Craig tiresome. Weren't you just blasting people for rule-breaking? *sighs at M.'s blindspot*

Oh, dear. Ginny is pissed. Shog: "Harry Potter and the Divorce Attorney—finally, Ginny's got her backbone back."

Blaming this situation on Harry is not fair. No. Albus is also to blame. As is Scorpius.

Shog: "Maybe you're right. Maybe Ginny has had a moment with Draco. Maybe she's about to have another one . . . ."

I: "If Ginny marries Draco after her divorce from Harry, it will make things awkward at Albus and Scorpius' wedding."

Shog: "Incest, incest, put your step-brother to the test!"

"It reminds me that the future is mine to make." When Delphi says this I shiver; it's very "Tomorrow-Belongs-to-Me." As well, Shog is victorious; he knew something was wrong with Delphi.

Shog still doesn't know it, but I do: Delphi comes by her arrogance naturally.

Shog: "Voldemort's child?"

I: "With whom?"

Shog: "Bellatrix Lestrange."

I: "Oh?"

Shog: "Know why I say her?"

I: "No."

Shog: "I don't know any other female Death Eaters."

I: "Hahahahaha!"

You know, Ron getting drunk at his wedding, what with the PTSD he had to deal with, that doesn't bother me. If Hermione can hear him tell her to "shut up" and still kiss him, I think there are other things to worry about. If she didn't want him eating porridge on her desk, he would not be there. Somehow, their marriage works for them. I'm not going to second guess it (except in fanon, of course, in which she's kicked his porridge-eating ass to the kerb and is shagging Severus senseless).

The love potion thing really bothers me. They are not okay, Ron! Hermione is so shagging Snape.

Shog: "Oh, Ron, you beautiful beard."

The stage direction, "Harry has a thought," makes me lol. Shog: "Harry has a thought—my son's gay. What's he doing with a bird?"

I want fanfic of Ethel cancelling the goblins, the offended, highly displeased goblins, the goblins issuing multiple insults in Gobbledygook (sp?) Gobbledegook. Yup.

Oh, Cedric, you are very, very brave. And good. And dead. :(

And oh, my. I'll bet the prophecy reveal moment is amazing in the theatre! Sorry, but we were engrossed and didn't take down reactions in the final fews scenes. But yay! We got through an entire act! I will say that it was lovely to see the boys behaving bravely. Once Albus was in the shit, he grew up some, much as I imagine James Sr. did.

Shog's parting thought: "Somebody fucked that noseless guy?!" *rolls eyes* He still doesn't know for sure, but is certain Delphi's mom is Bellatrix. "That gives the 'Where's My Nose' game a whole new meaning." LOL.

P.S. Entirely unrelated: "NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small." It seems that someone erected a naked Donald Trump statue.
Tags: cursed child, links, response reading, spoilers

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