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This morning, a friend and I were talking about Christmas, which led to a discussion about letters to Santa, which led to the following:

P.: "What do you think Severus asked Santa for as a kid?"

Me: "Nothing. Severus wouldn't have bothered asking Father Christmas for anything. He would have known better."

P.: "You're in a grim mood, aren't you?"

Me: "No, I just can't conceive of canonical Severus ever—"

P.: "Obviously, I'm not talking about canon. Go write me a Sev letter."

Me: *sigh*

P.: "And try not to be entirely canonical about it!"

*snorts*

Tallest Chimney, Spinner's End, By the River (G; Severus; 250 words): A seven-year-old Severus writes to Father Christmas.

1 December 1967

Dear Father Christmas,

Mam says big boys don't lie so I'm writing to tell you I don't believe in you anymore. If you was were real, Da wouldn't still shout all the time and Mam wouldn't still always be sad. I hate you for ignoring me. Just so you know.

No matter what Da says I've been a good boy this year. Here's what I want:

1. the mill to open up again so Mam can buy food (that isn't rubbish) with the money Da don't doesn't waste down the pub so we can eat good well for every meal
2. a friend kitten (and not a Kneazle cause Da would hurt it. He does not like magical things creatures. A kitten can hide better than a puppy) and food and toys for the kitten and a bed for the kitten too
3. whirled peas (that's a joke. I heard some of the older boys telling jokes. That was the best one cause they meaned meant world peace and that's really a joke cause they don't care about peace. There bullies. But I'd eat whirled peas if you brought them. Course, I'd rather have ham. Ham's really good).

Thank you,

Severus Snape
tallest chimney, Spinner's End, by the river

P.S. World peace is all right if you can manage it. I expect you can't though or we'd have it already. I still want the kitten though even if you can manage the world peace. And the ham.

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
syrenslure
Oct. 15th, 2012 06:53 pm (UTC)
That is entirely too precious and perfect. I love the corrections and the underlying dark humor.
iulia_linnea
Oct. 15th, 2012 06:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
fairyniamh
Oct. 15th, 2012 07:06 pm (UTC)
That is so Sev. Jaded from a young age.

Good job BB.
iulia_linnea
Oct. 15th, 2012 09:18 pm (UTC)
*smooches*
elise_wanderer
Oct. 15th, 2012 08:34 pm (UTC)

I can so see him writing this! Excellent!
iulia_linnea
Oct. 15th, 2012 09:18 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you think so! Thank you. :D
dreamy_dragon73
Oct. 15th, 2012 08:37 pm (UTC)
I love this. I can see him writing this.
~cuddles little Severus~ 
iulia_linnea
Oct. 15th, 2012 09:19 pm (UTC)
Excellent! Thank you so much. :)
alienor77310
Oct. 15th, 2012 09:59 pm (UTC)
*hugs Sevvie and sends cookies*
iulia_linnea
Oct. 15th, 2012 10:11 pm (UTC)
I think he'd like those as much as ham. :D
duniazade
Oct. 15th, 2012 11:01 pm (UTC)
Love it!

*hugs Sev*
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:54 am (UTC)
Yay!
delphipsmith
Oct. 15th, 2012 11:38 pm (UTC)
Awwww. That's lovely :)
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:54 am (UTC)
*twirls*
lunafish
Oct. 16th, 2012 12:32 am (UTC)
Awww, poor little Sev! He seriously needs a hug kitten!
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:54 am (UTC)
He does!
a_boleyn
Oct. 16th, 2012 12:39 am (UTC)
Even though he's so cynical, there's still that bit of hope left. And that he'd pass up the food and a job for his dad ... just for a kitten. So very sad.

Edited at 2012-10-16 10:32 am (UTC)
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
*huggles*
qzee
Oct. 16th, 2012 01:53 am (UTC)
*gives sev a kitten* very nicely done.
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
eaivalefay
Oct. 16th, 2012 03:10 am (UTC)
I want to hug Severus now. *hugs him* I hope he gets his food and kitten and his dad doesn't hurt it! :P Lovely ficlet!
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
Me, too. *hugs*
shiv5468
Oct. 17th, 2012 08:34 am (UTC)
Ah bless him
iulia_linnea
Oct. 22nd, 2012 11:55 am (UTC)
*huggles little Severus*
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )